"He looked at me, his piercing eyes seeming to drill into my skull, topenetrate my very brain. His stare was so direct and powerful that Iwanted to av...rt my eyes, but I could not; there was something almostmesmerizing about his fixed gaze.My throat was dry. I swallowed, shifting slightly in my chair as Iawaited his next question."Are you really a male-to-female transsexual?" he asked.I nearly passed out from the sheer panic that filled me as I wonderedboth what to say and who had betrayed my. Fir aaya Monday. Office mein sabke samne we were like normal. Jab pantry mein Revati akeli thi tab main gaya. Woh mujhe sex wali nazro se dekh rahi thi.Maine uska hath pakda aur usase baat kar raha tha. Tabhi pata chala ki uska pati aa gaya hai and woh 3-4 din tak ghar pe hi hoga. Highway pe truck driver hone ke karan woh 10-12 din bahar and 3-4 din ghar pe hota tha.Main sochne laga ki kaise jaldi se jaldi Revati ko le lu. Wednesday ko pata chala ki next 2 days transport strike hai matlab uska. ?hmmm???Main rote hue apna face mam ke ghodi pe rakh diya.Mam: arree… Sonu..?kya hua reee???Me:(rote hue) aap…appne aisa kyun kiya???Maine toh aap ko apna close friend samajh kar apke saath itna ghul mil gaya,par aap ne mera use kiya???Mujhe majbur kar diya ki main aap ke saath humbistar hojaun.Kya aap ne mere saath yeh saab karne se pehle ek baar bhi nahi socha???ek baar bhi apne mere virginiti ke bare main nah socha???aab…kay hoga… ????Main apane apse nazre bhi nahi mila paa raha hun???yeh. I was a shy child, easily embarrassed and with a healthy sense of shame that Mommy happily exploited at every opportunity. When I reached puberty, her covertly sexual remarks mixed with her snapping at me unpredictably, made our constant contact very stressful for me. After giving me the cold shoulder for days following some perceived wrong, she would suddenly laugh and tell me to, ?lighten up!? after watching me wallow in the misery she created. Despite how anxious or sickly guilty I felt.
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