’ Her eyes stayed with his, their expression interested and pensive, her teeth chewing her lower lip where he’d kissed her so many times. So far s...e hadn’t shown any signs of panic so he kept going, hoping for the best. ‘My heart stops every now and then to rest, and my systems go dead. I still breath but that’s just when I have to, and when my heart isn’t working I store oxygen to get it running again when I need to wake up.’ He looked at his hands where his thumb kept picking at his nails.. " But I have been." But ... why?"I sighed."It's hard to explain. But I think that in some fundamental part of me,I'm a girl. But I can never be seen as one."For a while afterward, there was silence.Then Helva said, "When I first decided I wanted to sing, someone mighthave told me it was impossible. Yet I found a way. Can you find a way tobe seen as a girl? What makes me a girl that you can't do?"Her saying that cut through my pity-party and got me thinking like ashell-person again."I ... could. A lot of reassuring. That was just what my wife did for me! I had to calm her fears too! Eventually we reached a sort of agreement. I dressed when the urge got bad; otherwise, I put everything away. This arrangement sounds pretty familiar to some of you readers.During all of this, that nagging question always ran through my mind... WHY??? The old adage goes... If I only knew why, I could fix it! That was to become a goal for me later in life.Kids, advancing careers, travelling jobs, all came. I went to the office looking for ways to earn merits." A merit canceled a demerit I presume." That's correct. They kept a list of merit opportunities. I saw that Kathleen..." Kathleen who? Details, Vi -- I need details." No one you know. She was a girl in my class and a friend. She just had her appendix removed and the merit list indicated she needed someone to deliver homework for her. She lived down the street from me and anticipated two weeks' absence from school. If I delivered homework for.
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