And I’m really proud of how you handled things with her; you listened to her concerns about why she felt so confused; you didn’t pressure her to h...ve sex, you didn’t make her feel silly for initially not wanting to fuck you.”“Well, it’s not that I was really desperate for a root, or anything,” I said. “I like it sometimes that I can have a relationship with someone, and there isn’t the pressure to have sex with them, but we can just hold hands, talk, kiss, be romantic without being sexually. Iwould still see her, of course. She was still my monitor, at leastnominally. I could only hope that she and Bethany would be happytogether and leave it at that. We had both gone our own ways and hadvery different futures. My old girlfriend, Gail, was possibly dead ofold age. By the time I returned to Earth, Joanne would probably be amother.The next day I met Indira by the gate for our second date. It was alittle cooler that day, and I wore a short dress rather than a skirtand blouse, but there. There are all kinds of women, who are with more or less intensity into it, from all kinds of backgrounds, ages, different sexual preferences. Some, like me for example, see themselves as property of black men at a deeper level, with a religion like dedication to serve, sexual as well as non-sexual. The philosophy goes beyond just expressing a preference and into self-objectification with total submission. But not all Queens of Spades are naturally submissive, others prefer superior black men. Yes, I thought, still staring down at my body, but I didn'tmean it this way."I can't be a girl," I murmured."Why not?" I...I don't know how to... to do anything a girl does." But you had a wife once," he pointed out, causing me towince. "If you apply yourself, I think you'll find you knowenough from observing her to get by."I didn't want to admit it, but it was true. I had watchedmy ex get dressed, put on makeup, and do all the littlethings women are taught to do - except the Tampon thing..
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